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The Best Revenge in the World

May 26, 2016

Inevitably as we exist, live, and get older in this world, we make friends and we make enemies. Whether it may be people we are related to who wrong us, people who sue us, or people we work with who plots our demise, or neighbors whose music is blasting at 3am, or be it the group of people who gather together to make hate their goal. These are the people we agree to disagree with. These people for one reason or another wish ill will upon you. So what do you do? What's the best revenge in the world?

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2008, the people who wished me ill will thought perhaps I brought this disease upon myself. Perhaps they thought it was karma? But I don't think that's how it works. We live in a FALLEN world. Bad things happen to bad AND good people everyday. Sometimes the biggest calamities fall upon the best of us. Remember Christopher Reeves? I still can't believe Superman became a quadriplegic but he died a hero in my book. He took his misfortune and made the best of it by being the catalyst in furthering stem cell research. This directly helped and will continue to help so many people! I believe that even in this fallen world, when bad things happen it is still within God's control. That somehow someway He will find a way to make that bad thing good for those who believe and have faith.

So what's the best revenge in the world? What do you do when you are presented with an angry nemesis? I'll tell you the first course of action is to PROTECT YOURSELF with whatever and all means possible. Then after that the best revenge in the world is to MOVE ON and find your own happiness. I know that sounds quite simple and it is! It's just a matter of leaving the things in the past where they belong, IN THE PAST. and focusing your energy, your precious time, yourself into new projects, new people, and a new way of life. And believe me, the people who wished ill will upon you. they will feel an extra kick in the gut when they discover you never skipped a beat in your life. You didn't let their negative outlook deter yours in any way. If anything, you took what was ugly and wrong and made it beautiful and forgiving. And that my friends, will burn deeper into their evil souls than any retaliation or vengeful action you could ever muster. I promise you, when you become free from the vengeful actions of others by letting it go, the hurt and anger in you will dissipate. It may take time and self discipline with how your redirect your thoughts, but I promise you the anger inside of you will eventually go away. And in substitution, you'll find a brighter, happier, and a much more self aware, self-fulfilled YOU.

- "Brothers and sisters, I know that I still have a long way to go. But there is one thing I do; I forget what is in the past and try as hard as I can to reach the goal before me." - Philippians 3:13

About this photo: From my most recent photoshoot in the Big Island, Hawaii at the Mauna Point Resort. Photo by Action Photography.

Thank you for stopping by!

God bless and love.

Your pin up girl and Proud Cancer Survivor,
Esther Hwang

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Dear Friends

April 13, 2016

Would you like to be a part of my latest project? Come and experience hope, inspiration, and the determination of not giving up in this remarkable story I need you to help me publish. And YES I am writing it! Find out more here:

Smokey - The Indomitable Kitty

All my love,
Esther Hwang

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Dear FB Friends

April 12, 2016

I know that I took a hiatus from social media most of 2015. For that, I apologize. In trying to 'organize' my personal life and leaving social media behind, I had forgotten how important it is for me to share my life... It is who I am, it is what I do, and in doing so, I have a wonderful group of followers, friends, fans, and supporters. You are the reason I revamped www.esther.com. You are the reason I get up in the morning and continue to ask God for exciting and wonderful things to come into my life so that in return I may share my insights with all of you. Writing is what makes me feel alive. And what better way to write than to an audience as awesome as you?

I just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the love and support you have so unselfishly given me after all these years. So today, on the launch of my newly REVAMPED www.esther.com it is my greatest and deepest wish that you enjoy what you see. That I will continue to inspire, entertain, and give back to you. God bless you my friends! Love always your pin up girl,

All my love,
Esther Hwang

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My Kind of Sunset

March 20, 2016

Today I saw the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen in my entire life... it was without exaggeration, life-changing. If I ever write a bucket list, my top three will be number 3; watch the most beautiful sunset and relish in its majestic beauty. Check. I did that one today.

Ten days after I arrived at the big island, Hawaii, I looked up into the sky and saw the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen in all my life. And in that moment, I finally exhaled. It was my first real, deep exhale in so long, I couldn’t remember the last one. I had no idea I was wound up so tight. As I exhaled, it was such a release, so forgiving, so giving and so utterly profound.

The golden embers of the sun kept flickering into the sky even as it fell quietly and so softly behind the gentle horizon. It was almost as if the fleeting sun felt my longing gaze and wanted to lovingly reach out and soothe my anxieties. In that very moment, I felt every molecule of my being frozen, in sheer appreciation and happiness to witness something oh, so beautiful. My breath caught, my body taut, my eyes open so big I wouldn't dare blink. My jaw dropped and my mouth opened agape in utter amazement of that one breathtaking, awe-inspiring and freeing moment. I felt free, free to finally just BE.

Things are different now after having survived cancer. Some things are much harder and some things are so much more beautiful. Like this sunset that saved me. Saved me from existing today as just another day, to LIVING today, as an extraordinary day. Today, all my struggles, strife and pain to get here... proved to be worth it!

I didn't realize it, but as I gazed so intently with pure ecstasy smeared across my sun kissed face, I somehow found my tears. And without shame, remorse, or fear... I let each tear well up in my eyes and let them flow down my cheeks. That's what happens when you see the most freeing thing you have ever seen in your entire life. You cry out of pure undiluted JOY. That's what I felt today; joy, gratitude and love.

What a place this island is. God blessed it so with the wonders of His paint brush. God bless you my friends! Thank you for sharing this moment with me. Here's to wishing you too, My Kind of Sunset.

All my love,
The Most Grateful Girl in the World,
Esther Hwang

The www.esther.com Fan Page
Photo by Ed Suzuki, www.apohi.com

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Aloha FB and Instagram Friends!

March 15, 2016

Sending you love, sunshine, and the aloha spirit from Kona, Big Island- Hawaii! Every 3-6 months I come back here to relax. However, this was my longest stretch ever as I haven't been back in in over 6 months. Thank you for your concerned emails but I have been just taking a break from social media. But I'm getting ready to come back as I miss all of you!

I'm here trying to relax. And because for me, relaxing is not as easy as flipping a switch, I extended my trip. I was full of anxiety for not being able to relax. It's so silly, I know. But the silver lining is I get to stay longer in this beautiful island. Stay tuned for more photos and excerpts coming soon!

Always your pin up girl,
Esther Hwang

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The Christmas Blues

December 25, 2015

Every year this time of year, I am bombarded with countless advertising ploys to get me in the Christmas spirit to buy something. It’s disturbing that our popular culture has made Christmas synonymous with spending money. I don’t think you’ll feel any holiday joy come the time for the credit card bill to show up. Perhaps this is scrooge like of me, but I don’t feel like shopping. I don’t feel like over spending myself to keep up with the the Jones’ or to show off how deep my pocket book might stretch. I think all that takes away from what Christmas is suppose to be about.

Christmas I believe is one of America’s long standing traditions that is still tied with Christianity- the religion this country was founded on. Nowadays you say Jesus and it’s kind of a taboo word. How sad! How far we have fallen from the morals and beliefs this great country once stood for. As I write this, I am now sitting in my new house in Elk Grove, CA. My friends ask me why I’m moving around so much but the truth is I have multiple homes right now. I am trying to consolidate all my pets and the small circle of people in my life to come and go from this one particular house in Elk Grove, CA. I have never talked it about it before on social media. My new house is bigger than any house I have ever experienced. It’s 5500 square feet, 7 bedrooms. You would think perhaps all this space and bedrooms would make me happy. Alas it has done quite the opposite!

I grew up in what I’m pretty sure was considered under the federal poverty guidelines. My parents were immigrants from Korea and they worked multiple jobs just to barely put a roof over our heads and food on the table. That’s how it was for me. I scraped by in college on a partial alumni scholarship and worked as much as I could as a professional model while on a full time student schedule every semester at UC Berkeley which I completed in 4 years. After becoming www.esther.com, working for Willie L. Brown Jr. and completing Law School I looked for ways especially after surviving cancer how to wisely invest the money I worked so painstakingly for. Taking full advantage of the San Francisco inflated real estate earlier this year, I ‘cashed out.’ With my life savings I moved to an area in the suburbs of Sacramento called Elk Grove, CA. It is here I invested in multiple real estate properties. It is also here I have found some peace and some time away from San Francisco. My fans thought I either got married or retired. I did neither.

And lastly it is here I have discovered that having real assets for the first time in my life… doesn’t mean much. With money, comes more problems and headaches and stress. It is quite interesting how that works out. When I was a poor college student I thought if I had a certain amount in the bank, if I made a certain salary every year, that if I had a certain amount in my savings account towards retirement all my problems would disappear. Instead, it did quite the opposite. I think I spend more time now just trying to ward off the people who are trying to come into my life to either rip me off or take advantage of me (and this includes family). Money does not solve all problems. In fact, it’s the love of money that is the root of all evil. Treat your money, your status, your degrees, your assets and your bank accounts for what they are- man made things to give you a sense of security. But it certainly cannot give you a sense of stability, purpose, worth, and direction. And that is where I am at my friends. I am a fork in the road on this wonderful thing called life. After cancer I have always felt like I’m here on ‘borrowed time.’ I am so blessed to still be here. Here in my huge house filled with animals and love, I still long for stability and warmth I cannot find even here. Who would’ve ever thought the dream house everyone wants comes with this unwritten disclaimer that there will now be a thousand more things to have to maintain, stress about, and pay for? No thank you. I am planning to put my house up on the market next year. Perhaps all along, I have been a simple girl with simple needs. And you know, I am proud of that. Thank you for coming on the lows and highs with me. I have not retired. I will be back. Thanks for your patience while I work out the details of my life. God bless you all! Merry Christmas!

Always your pin up girl,
Esther Hwang

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Home Sweet Home

November 19, 2015

Hello FB Friends,

I have some exciting news! I am moving (part-time) back to the Bay Area! I think it was about a year ago now that I told everyone I’m moving out of my beloved San Francisco. After 15+ years of living in the Bay Area I think that came as a shock to my friends. I’m sure some people thought I was crazy when I told them I’m moving to the Sacramento area (Elk Grove) because let’s face it, there’s not much going on in Elk Grove. But from a business perspective, it was a necessary move. And on a personal level, I was relieved to move away from San Francisco’s inflation, traffic, and endless construction.

But you know what they say… home is where the heart is. And my heart belongs in the San Francisco Bay Area where I spent most of my adult life. The culture, the food, the excitement, the shopping, the theatre, the music, the night life… beckon me back. And on some wistful nights I would look up to the stars from my lovely Elk Grove home (because in the country you can actually see the stars) and my mind would wander off to the other bright lights I knew so well; the lights in my beloved city.

After much research, financial maneuvering, and mostly God’s blessing I just bought a townhouse in Walnut Creek, CA! I am also keeping my Elk Grove house. For those of you who are not familiar with Walnut Creek- it’s a city in East Bay, about a half hour drive (22 miles) to San Francisco. And guess what? I am picking up the keys THIS WEEKEND! Hence, my visit back to the bay area today. Here, I took a selfie in the car on my drive from Elk Grove to Walnut Creek.

Now that I have a home in the Bay Area again, I am inspired to write. I will also work on new projects of which I am happiest about when I get to share them here with you on social media. Stay tuned!

Thank you for coming on this journey with me. So far, it's been an awesome God-blessed ride filled with ups and downs that has molded me into the person I am today. I can’t say this townhouse came easy as it was through persistence, faith, and hope I can call myself a Bay Area resident again. It is with tears of humble joy I can say, "Alas, I am home! Home sweet home."

Always your pin up girl,
Esther Hwang

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Hi everyone!

November 16, 2015

Sitting here at Starbucks reflecting on how wonderful life can be. I think it's truly a choice to be happy and grateful. Like today, this cup of coffee is my joy. Yes, that's all it took. Enjoying the simple pleasures of life is what life is all about. Can I challenge you to comment on what your simple pleasure is today?

Always your pin up girl,
Esther Hwang

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The Woes and Blessings of Getting Older

September 3, 2015

Inevitably when we get up every morning, go to work, come back home and then go to bed we will, by the grace of God, meet yet again another birthday. Day after day, year after year, we simply get older. We can’t avoid this, we can’t cheat it, and we certainly can’t reverse it. I started professionally modeling at the age of 15. The modeling industry is blatantly and unapologetically driven by youth or at least the idea of looking forever youthful. By the time I was 21 I was told by my various Modeling Agencies to lie about my age. Then when the big 3-0 loomed over me, my agencies coined me as a “Veteran Model.” But what that did was make me lament getting older. I would fear my birthdays and wonder if yet again this is the year I will be considered no longer ‘marketable.’

I own the domain www.esther.com because I was one of the very first professional models to ever hit the internet (without nudity) in the late 90’s. Suddenly because of my online portfolio I started getting modeling gigs all over the world. My San Francisco modeling agency was able to collaborate with international modeling agencies and I started getting booked on high paying modeling contracts in Milan, Paris, New York City, Singapore, Seoul, Jamaica, Hawaii, Virgin Islands and so on. It paved the way and molded me into the life I have today. Life is full of surprises! Then around the same time, after I finished my Bachelors at UC Berkeley I got my first ‘real’ job at San Francisco’s Mayor’s Office when it was the iconic Willie L. Brown’s second term as “Da Mayor.” The San Francisco Chronicle found out about me having this ‘racy’ model’s website being Mayor Brown’s Assistant and over night, my website went viral. It took down my server and they socked me with such a huge bill I started selling my images online and opened up a Fanclub with monthly subscriptions. I suppose the rest is history.

But as every hero in a comic book needs to fall in order to see what he’s made of to get back up, in 2008 I was diagnosed with Stage I breast cancer. For about 5 years I struggled through multiple surgeries and cancer therapies. It was during this time I found the real meaning of life. And what I want and don’t want. And let me tell you my friends, when you stare at a hospital room day in and day out and you find yourself completely bedridden for 9 months at a time from surgery complications, everything you thought you knew or wanted changes. And you know what’s the biggest change about me? I WANT TO BE AN OLD WOMAN ONE DAY! I RELISH in getting older. I LOVE the fact that when I wake up in the morning my birthday is one day closer... So in this whole world driven by YOUTH, don’t get sucked into the superficiality of it all. We will if we’re blessed and lucky enough GET OLDER and it’s a lovely wonderful thing!

Perhaps it took me cancer, but now I love the age I am today. I am full of experiences and wisdom and gratitude I never had before. With that in mind, I hope I can tell you with some merit that getting older is a rite of passage. We don’t know how may days we have. We don’t know what tomorrow brings. But while we have today, laugh, love, live. And don’t fear getting older.

Here are some of the best things about getting older:

1. You’ll know your true friends and the relationships just get more and more meaningful.

2. You’ll know yourself better. Self awareness is the key to self confidence. And nothing is sexier than confidence!

3. The years of wisdom whether it be professionally or personally will keep you from the goof ups of your past.

4. You’ll value different things like retirement and long term goals making you more motivated to strive for those golden years.

5. You’ll be able to give yourself more to your loved ones because of your inner stability and peace you’ve discovered on your own terms.

6. You’ll have hobbies and special interests and can finally do them!

7. People in general will trust you more and value your opinions. I tell you… it’s a rite of passage. Others who have made it to your age will respect you for it.

It takes courage, grit, and passion to get up and get going everyday. Don’t let anyone tell you different. The list goes on and on. Life is good. God is good. And we are all so blessed! I love you FB friends. Thank you for coming on this journey with me.

In Christ’s Eternal Love,
Esther Hwang

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Aloha FB Friends!

July 29, 2015

Heading out to dinner at the Mauna Lani Bay Resorts, Big Island, Hawaii.

I’m back in Kona, Big Island-Hawaii. One of my favorite places in the whole world. I intentionally came alone on this trip. I didn’t ask any girlfriends or family members to accompany me. Why? I love my friends and family of course but I believe that it’s imperative to spend quality time with yourself. This is the gift you can give yourself and become more spiritual and truly reflect on your life. Are you happy with what you’ve accomplished? Where are you headed? What do you have planned? Do you have a 5 year or 10 year plan? What do you want from life? Are you preparing for retirement?

I know it may seem at first that these are self-indulgent questions. But I don’t think so. It’s only when you learn about yourself that you can in return give yourself back to your loved ones. Take caring of number one (you yourself) is the best gift you can sometimes do for your family or significant other.

Of course some people make this a lifestyle choice of self-indulgent selfish ambitions. That’s not what I’m talking about and this excerpt is not for them. It’s for the people who have sacrificed time, money, resources, life goals to either raise a family, support loved ones, and/or been stuck in a situation where you could not make yourself come first.

I grew up in a family where sacrifice was just another word for love. My parents came to this country with the equivalent of $500 US dollars each as that was the maximum allowed for immigrants to bring from foreign countries in the early 1980’s. As you can imagine with their limited English skills and with two small children (myself and my older brother) it was a struggle for them to put food on the table. I grew up in poverty alongside so many others at this time. My parents sacrificed their status and their respected jobs in Korea to start anew in America with the hopes of their version of the American dream.

I was raised with the notion that everything I do, everything I want, everything I become will have to be put back in the family ‘pot’ as we all have sacrificed so much to make it in America. I didn’t choose my hobbies. My mother chose my extracurricular activities for me that ensured a successful acceptance to the best colleges in the US. My Father with multiple jobs still managed to put aside money each month for my brother and my tutoring. It was all about education, hard work, no summer vacations, zero extravagance, sacrifice then more sacrifice.

Fast forward 30 some odd years later and I am here now sipping on a ‘skinny’ margarita, tapping away on my designer laptop, at one of the most expensive and luxurious resorts in Big Island, Hawaii. So far sounds like the American dream has been realized, right?

My dearest friends, the reality of it is that looks can be so deceiving. I may have achieved a certain ‘success’ but can you believe I don’t know what my hobbies are? I have sacrificed my life to my family and to the betterment of all of us my entire life that I do not even know what I REALLY enjoy doing. When I go on vacation with ANYONE, I defer to their wishes because I was raised to have no goals, ambitions, or desires of my very own. In my family, the good, dutiful, loyal daughter always comes LAST. But this is unhealthy, unfulfilling and wrong.

Therefore, I feel blessed that I have this time and means to be able to seek such an extravagance of learning more about ME. Learning about myself and the childhood I missed out on is so therapeutic and uplifting. I thank God each day. It may have come a little bit later than I expected or hoped for, but at long last it is here!

There are days I have to admit, where I wallow in self-pity about all the things I didn’t have. Real summer vacations, toys and clothes that were not hand me downs from my Brother (who was the golden child in our family), a sweet sixteen birthday party and my list goes on and on. But I have come to the conclusion that life was never meant to be a breeze. It is construed to be tough, character building and a training process to get us ready for something far better and greater when we all leave this place.

Currently, I am in my 7th year in cancer remission. Each year that I am cancer free, I feel like every moment is a second chance, another way to start over. And sometimes I feel like I’m almost not good enough for this second chance because I need to do more with my life. I need to push even harder to showcase to everyone and to my one and only redeemer … God that I made it, I’m grateful, and I want to make a difference with my life. There were some harrowing times during the cancer therapies I had to undergo that I really thought I wouldn’t make it both physically and mentally. Now that I have overcome such trying times, how do I live my life to the fullest? Why did I fight so hard to live? What was it all for?

As I gaze into the northern Pacific Ocean lulling me with its warm salty brine in the wind, the hypnotic soft crashing of the waves into the sand and the overwhelming beauty of the sun ray as it breaks into the glistening horizon… I am reminded that life is a journey. It’s never about the destination. So don’t get caught up in what you don’t have, why you didn’t get or have what you should have had. Perhaps we were supposed to be lacking in those areas to build our inner strength. Because in the end my friends, as I have seen the end many times, it’s all about what you are INSIDE, what kind of person you are, and what you’re made of that counts. Not the diplomas on your wall, the zeroes in your bank accounts, or your popularity and success.

"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. 9The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” Philippians 4:8-9

As I am figuring out my hobbies, how to praise God for all his blessings in my life, and how to reach more people with my story and my journey… I am honored that you have chosen me to share this time with you. So far on this trip, I have discovered that I enjoy taking pictures. Yes on the other side... as the photographer. Go figure! smile emoticon

God bless you my friends!

Always your pin up girl,
Esther Hwang

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Update On My Life

July 5, 2015

Following the Road Less Traveled

All my life people have told me what to do. My parents told me to get good grades, follow the rules, get a good job, and for goodness sake don’t stick out from the crowd too much. In some ways, I think I have disappointed them considerably.

I have followed the road less traveled in so many things... After all my education from UC Berkeley and beyond to Law School and finishing my Juris Doctorate, my biggest success has been with my modeling career that required no degree, no doctorate, and no education. Life is strange that way. It throws you curve balls you never imagined. Then of course is my personal life. I’ve never been married. I don’t have children. For many women, the thought of not getting married and not becoming a Mother is tragic.

I have to admit that recently I disappeared from Facebook and all my internet portals and stopped working as a model because I thought I found a new career path in the Sacramento county where I reside now. After I sold my house in San Francisco, I moved to Elk Grove, CA. It has been by far the best move I ever made.

Nonetheless, my heart burns and yearns for something intangible. A passion and need to change the world for the better somehow and in someway, no matter how small or slight.

In 2008, I endured these words “You have cancer.” Since then, nothing is the same. Now going on my 7th year in remission, I don’t see the world the way I did before. All my prior aspirations seemed meaningless and shallow. My efforts to be ‘successful’ as faded in the background.

Which gets me to my point. I am writing this new blog for my website www.esther.com because I am announcing the complete REVAMP of my beloved website that has been so good to me since I started it in the late 90’s! If you go to my website now it will say: “Under Construction.”

Please note all my modeling images have been moved to www.modelesther.com. This site will also be revamped in the new future. But getting back to what I’m up to nowadays that puts a smile on my face, skips a beat in my heart, and gets me going is this: I have teamed up with a group of other like minded individuals. And together we have formed www.esther.com, LLC. We are an Angel Investing firm.

What is an angel investor? Quoting from Wikipedia:

“An angel investor is an individual who provides capital for a business start-up, usually in exchange for convertible debt or ownership equity. A small but increasing number of angel investors organize themselves into angel groups or angel networks to share research and pool their investment capital, as well as to provide advice to their portfolio companies. Angel investors are often retired entrepreneurs or executives, who may be interested in angel investing for reasons that go beyond pure monetary return. These include wanting to keep abreast of current developments in a particular business arena, mentoring another generation of entrepreneurs...”

The description about going beyond pure monetary return is what got me involved. Because you see after cancer, after fighting the good fight, I know my purpose in life now. It’s to help others who are hurting to all of my capability because I KNOW what it’s like to hurt. My empathy and my desire to share your pain is what gets me going. Why? Because I know what it’s like to be there in the dark, alone, and seemingly forgotten. You are not alone! You are not forgotten!

If you have an idea for a start up, a new business, or you need capital for something you always wanted to create, that also does some GOOD WILL to others in need and gives people HOPE email me angel@esther.com. Or if you have an idea with the notion of donating 10% of net profits to Christian based charities, that works too.

The bible says we are the light of the world.

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.” Matthew 5:14

There is so much hurt, sorrow, sadness, addictions, evil doers, and pain in this world. Wouldn’t it be nice to balance that out for a change? Truly, if you have an idea that you feel will make money (my investors will be happy) AND HELP OTHERS, email me angel@esther.com. I am all ears.

God bless you. Thank you for stopping by and seeing what I’m up to. You inspire me to reach for the stars.

Together, we will follow the road less traveled. Believe me, the road less traveled is a wonderful place filled with God’s blessings and surprises that will enrich your life beyond your wildest imagination.

And to my wonderful, loyal, deserving hard core Esther fans: My modeling career is not over. I am just taking a small break to build up my angel investing firm.

Always your pin up girl,
Esther Hwang